Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
