I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize