I cannot find my penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
