Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
