She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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