i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
