I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
