is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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