you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
