We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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