how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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