I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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