I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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