I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
