My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
