so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
