i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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