no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
