y did u give ur computer a hand job?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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