erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
