Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
