i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So squirting runs in the family.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
