just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
