grandma shit on top of the toilet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
