Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
