we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
