I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
