its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I touched a dick in church today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
