You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
