Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
