'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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