She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
