Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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