I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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