no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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