When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
