It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The struggles of a small town man whore
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
