I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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