I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
