strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
