Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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