About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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