Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
