Nicole vs. Life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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