And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
