if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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