operation harelip BJ is a go
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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