dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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