I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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