Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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