I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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