My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
