Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
