guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
