this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
