I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
