I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize