Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
