i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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