i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
