i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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