dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
