we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
