When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
