ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
