Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
