Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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