It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
