What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
