The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
