So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
