Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
