Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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