The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
