In the future we'll all be gay
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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