Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
