Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize