my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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