yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
