We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
