It's like God shit irony all over that family
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
