At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
