there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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