So drunk its hurt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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