wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
