Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
