either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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