thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
