Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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