just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
