i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize