I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
