then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
