thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
