saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize