i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
