Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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