did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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