dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
