I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
