Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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