He is an equal opportunity slut.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
