one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
