you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
