I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
