Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
