I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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